The Call of Jesus Pt.1

What does my personal history reveal to me of the particular ways in which I have been called by God?

When I think of my personal history I begin with my place in my family. I was born the youngest of seven children to a 46 year-old mother and a 51 year-old father, relatively old in 1968. I was not at all a planned or expected child, and there are nine years between the 6th child and me.

As I get older and reflect on my own fatherhood, I appreciate more and more the great faith that my parents possessed as they moved through life in all their human roles and relationships. My family has always been a family of great faith, whether I always realized it or not.

I believe God has called me to this world, to this existence, in slightly unlikely circumstances. I have used my role in the family to relate well to older people. I have a level of empathy for people with disabilities and the disenfranchised. Part of my sensitivities and sensibilities come from who I am and part comes from what I've learned, I suppose, but what I now know is that everything has been ordained by God. God has enabled me to exist and I am blessed to be here.

After living with mental illness, I began to learn to embrace challenges as gifts instead of liabilities or irreparable hurts. After getting fired from a teaching job, I found something that suited me better. I have learned to manage my anxiety and I hope to eliminate it from my life all together.

These experiences have bolstered my sense of faith and the awareness that everything truly happens for a reason, however joyous or painful, which is meant to teach me, so that I in turn may help others and glorify God. I know that if I consciously live my life to guide others as I have been guided then I am fulfilling my destiny as a steward of God.

Baptism of Jesus

Jesus is baptized by John even though John has his doubts about his worthiness to baptize the one who is more powerful. May I have the courage to step up and face challenges that seem illogical or counter-intuitive as John did. When I accept and submit, as Mary did in accepting the words of the angel Gabriel that she would be the mother of Jesus, I play my rightful part and fulfill God's will for me. This requires faith and trust. I know that I am of God, I am from God. I know God is in charge, God is in control. Dear God, help me to submit to your will. Give me the courage and strength to rise up and eb strong even when I feel inadequate or inferior.

Arrogance of heart

I am reminded in Luke's gospel Ch. 1:51 of God routing the arrogant of heart. I initially read this to mean that God elevates the lowly and favors the poor, which is true. However, a second consideration has led me to see that I will be most happy when I release my "arrogance" which is my preoccupation with self. When I am drawn into my own wants and needs and focused only on that which I want, then I am at risk of "arrogance of heart."

When I take a step back from my wants and needs, when I breathe deep into my life and live in the here and now, in the moment of where I am in this instant, then I can lose the arrogance of heart and stay focused on what really matters: serving others.

This takes the shape of being present for my two sons. My son Zachary has a difficult time using appropriate language toward his brother and Mary Beth and me in the morning. When I am present for him, to him, and with him, I can handle his behaviors in helpful, loving, constructive ways. When I am distracted by my own needs, I can't. This is the arrogance of heart that I need to avoid, that is, the presumption that my needs go before my sons' needs. As a dad, I have committed to be present for my kids. It is what is right and necessary. I am reminded of this in my life and in the scripture.

The Visitation

I am reminded that God is not only here for all people, but especially the poor. This furhter reminds me that when I serve the poor in body and spirit, in material possessions and in heart, that I am truly serving God, i.e., "of God." It is easy for me to get caught up in the sin of competition, that is, that I must be the "best" at something in order to feel "good." The truth is, I must serve all people with a humble and compassionate heart, and not rest until everyone is enjoying a just and equitable life.

This is challenging work. Who decides what constitutes justice or "enoughness" for all peopl throughout the world? Is it "give us this day our daily bread?" Is it shelter? Education? What forms does it take? Is it simply responding to someone when they ask for help? Is it "giving without counting the cost?" To whom? These are lifelong/ageless questions that people grapple with every day all over the world.

I know that if I am directed to the poor in body and spirit (who classify or define themselves as such and ask for help) and use Mary's magnificat as a reminder that God is found most in the service of the poor, that I am closest to God and living the life that God intended me to live.

The Annunciation Lk 1: 26-38

The faith of Mary is astounding to me as sh receives the most profound news anyone could expect. Not only s she unmarried, but she is a virgin, yet she is told she is going to give birth to a divine child. I can't imagine the level of faith she demonstrates when she says, "Let it happen to em as you have said" (38).

May I have this level of faith. May I trust and withhold judgment when I am presented with new ideas. May I trust, really trust, that all will be well, even when it is painful, and even when it doesn't go the way I envisioned it. I have to lose my superiority complex by surrendering, as Mary did, to the will of God. May I be guided in this surrender.

forgiveness and hope

Upon rereading the parable of the prodigal son, I am struck by the father's ability to forgive his younger son. He holds absolutely no grudge about the fact that that the son squandered half his inheritance. He does not begrudge him this, he only loves him. Further, he celebrates him. May I choose the path of celebration instead of judgment! Too often I spend time concerned about the smallest of details in my two sons, and fretting about whether or not they are living up to my expectations (whatever those may be.)

The father in the story simply loves. He sees his son for who he is - a human being with all his gifts and flaws. The father understands the inherent dichotomy present in all of us: we are good and evil. We are beautiful and ugly. We are strong and weak. The father chooses to celebrate these qualities and value what matters most: his son's spiritual resurrection. His son lives! He would forgive him 1,000 times if that's what it would take to preserve the quality of their relationship. The father clearly has great vision and has his priorities well ordered. He chooses the path of love. May I do the same with my sons and all my other "sons."

Prodigal Son

The prodigal son speaks to me about equity. I understand the importance of celebrating that which ought to be celebrated. At the same time I am reminded of the importance of celebrating what I already have, of counting my blessings and enjoying them. I value all the people in my life and pray for their happiness.

There is enough for everyone. Something that I am realizing more and more every day is the awareness that there is enough. Abundance thinking, I call it. When I think from a point of abundance, then anything is possible. I know that I have enough stuff. Enough money. Enough food. Enough love. Enough recognition/attention (love.) Enough time to get everything done that needs to get done. Since there is enough, then the universe is simply and magically open to me. Anything is possible, and I am now able to fully enjoy my life as God intended, without fear. Pain is part of the process, but it's kept in its proper perspective. I can move through my day with peace. Knowing there is fundamentally, enough love in my life, means I am at peace. I am fully alive.